Not your usual trip to the zoo
by squirvinal
Summary: Selphie, Rinoa and Zell go on the most random trip to the zoo. Very random and completely crazy...this is my first fic.


**This is the first fic I've submitted. This is very very very random...and the characters are kind of out of the character...especially Squall and Irvine. But anyway hope you enjoy. Reviews would be good **

"Oh, look! There's a free trip to the zoo! We can go with all of our fellow chums!" She exclaimed, as Irvine danced around the Christmas tree, singing 'Beverly Hills' the Christmas version.

"Or not." Zell replied being boring as usual. Rinoa whacked him round the head with a rolled up leaflet that had suddenly appeared in her hands. Selphie also had one in her hands and she opened it up legally.

"To stalk Squall you first need to know his whereabouts…" She read from the front page as Irvine giggled like a little girl.

"I wrote the next part!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"Dance a merry jig around Squall's decomposed body and set your hair alight." Selphie read aloud. She folded the leaflet up and threw it at Irvine's head, "Figured." Irvine screamed in agony and writhed on the floor before morphing into Darth Sidiuos.

"The dark side I sense in you." He said to a random boy that walked past. The boy turned round and kicked him in the shin. Then the boy transformed into Irvine, and he flew out of the window, and back in through the door. The Imperial March played, as a procession of random people paraded through the room, and trampled on Irvine's newly dead body. Irvine screamed in agony again, although he was already dead. Then he bled internally, and his liver exploded. He followed suit, and spontaneously combusted.

"Pursuing!" He said (in an un dead voice) and his body levitated above the ground. He went into a flying-laying down state, and flew through the door, breaking it down in fury. He pursued a naked Squall down the corridor and into the darkness. The last thing they heard was the high pitched girly scream of Squallavvitch, Rinoa closed the door.  
"Well we don't want to hear that…" She said slowly, giving Zell and Selphie a funny expression.

"Say, I've got an idea," Selphie piped up from her motionless position on the bed…she hasn't been breathing or blinking when those certain events took place, "How about we go to the zoo?" Rinoa gave her the 'Death Stare'.  
"That was…" She started but Zell sat up straight.

"Hey good idea Selphie. Lets go!"

Selphie pulled up in the car park and turned the engine off. She turned to face Rinoa and Zell who were both white faced and were gripping tightly onto the seat in front of them. Selphie grabbed her bag from the back of the car.

"Lets gooo!" She shouted in an excited tone but Rinoa and Zell didn't move.

"Why did we let Selphie drive?" Rinoa managed to say after a few minutes. The thought of being driven down the wrong side of the motor way at 200mph in a old banger was terrifying…so why hadn't they thought of it earlier. They pried themselves from the seats and grabbed their bags. As soon as they were a few meters away Squall, Irvine, Quistis and Seifer dropped from the bottom of the car; how they managed to fit four people underneath the car will forever be a mystery. Squall was the first to recover as Irvine forgot to unbuckle his under car seat belt and was suspended from the bottom of the car for 10 minutes until Quistis finally found the button to release him but by that time Seifer and Squall had already gone. Squall was playing with the lions in the lion pen…Squall liked lions. Seifer however had found an even bigger target.

"Stand and deliver ye knave!" He bellowed but the elephant couldn't understand a single word he was saying. Zell, Rinoa and Selphie walked past carrying balloons and chocolate when they saw Seifer draw his gun blade with a pretty pink pen.

"Seifer, it's not safe in there with that big nasty elephant" said Quistis from behind the rock in the elephant pen. Squall appeared behind the rock, with a lion around his neck. Irvine, however, appeared shortly afterwards, and (being soaking wet), was carrying a penguin in his teeth, and a bag of fish food in the other. It seemed that he had tried to catch a penguin with his ability of dancing with the fish food, but as that had failed, he had obviously tried to catch a penguin the old-fashioned way- the way of the teeth- which had apparently worked wonders for the self-proclaimed dancing queen. Suddenly Laguna popped up from behind a bin.

"TONIGHT YOU SLEEP WITH THE FISHES!" He screamed in Seifer's face then he pulled out a little business card, "In the new fish hotel situated under the ocean." Seifer took the card from Laguna…obviously interested in the new 'Fish Hotel'. Seifer ate the card, and Laguna screamed in agony. Then, suddenly, and simply, Laguna wasn't there any more. Irvine suddenly appeared in the hippo pen, where he drowned in the black ink that the narrator was using to write this story with. Oh well, better luck next time Mr. Kinneas.

"Well, you can't say this has been an uneventful trip…" Rinoa said. But that was before she saw Seifer open the door to the Elephant pen.

"No Seifer! You simply can't do that! You'll kill us all!" Squall screamed, but it was much too late. The elephant walked by Seifer, and the elephant's bra fell onto Seifer's head, killing him instantly. Squall let out a girly scream and ran into the hippo's pen with Irvine…also drowning in a shower of blue ink this time. Oh well game over boys…you lost the match. Rinoa dived out of the way of the crazy elephant poo that had shot out the elephants backside. Quistis, however, got a face full.

"Ew like totally gross!" She screeched a ear splitting screech, trying to dance the poo from what used to be her blonde hair and was now covered in a lovely poo brown.  
"I like your hair dye." Zell joked and Quistis cried and ran into the electric fence. She died.

"How are we going to get rid of this Elephant?" Rinoa asked but then there was a song that sounded like the Pink panther theme tune. Kimhari flew out from no where and dabbed the elephant in the head with a radish. It died. Kimhari roared and dispersed like he was never there. Rinoa, Selphie and Zell all stared at the spot where he had vanished.

"That will do." Selphie stated and they all spontaneously combusted.

THE END!

Sleep with the fishes! The new underwater hotel for humans.

The small print: We will not refund your money if the stay is less than 2 minutes long. Enjoy!

Ps. No oxygen supplied.

**Told you it was random...**


End file.
